All's Fair in Love and War
The evening she met "Dr. Right"
he confessed he believed
in love at first sight, whispering,
"I adore your Audrey Hepburn eyes and lashes".
Preparing for their third date,
the mirror reflected worried baby blues.
Sighing, she opened the makeup drawer
for the necessary deception.
Some men notice breasts first, others, legs.
by Margaret Bednar
* * * * *
Thanks Dr. FTSE! I took your advice and shifted the first two sentences to the end. I agree, it reads better this way! :)
This is my first contribution to Friday Flash 55. Tell a story in 55 words or less - and it is not easy! Click HERE to be transported to G-Man's (aka "Mr. Know It All") Blog to read more short stories.
Comments
I like your 55 here. Would you consider rejigging the first part? Your first two lines suggest that "he" is the viewpoint character, whereas it is "she" who is in control of the story. Shift lines 1 and 2 to the end of the para and edit them so the references to body-parts become part of her early judgement of him. ( I learned about "viewpoint" from a very good, widely published writing coach many years ago. It's always tricky . . . )